We finally hit our stride as a family in May. Staying in Poipet the entire month for the first time in a year and a half definitely helped.
Our lives have fallen into a semi-rhythm. Declan still doesn't have a predictable schedule, but he's a baby, right? Give him some slack.
My life feels incredibly different now, compared to...ever before.
I've traded in my nursing scrubs and stethoscope for spit-up-stained tank tops and cleaning rags.
I admit, sometimes this change really grates at my soul. I miss working in the clinic, trying to problem solve how to help patients in difficult situations, figuring out the best system for seeing patients, working alongside our amazing staff.
Despite the monotony of household tasks, the days still manage to fly by. Sometimes, I get discouraged and tired of the laundry, the crying, the washing up.
In this season of life, I'm learning that my passions and my calling don't always match up.
Thrive Moms had a post on that subject last week that stopped me in my tracks.
How do I reconcile my passion for nursing and medical work, for writing and travel with my current calling as a wife, mom, and keeper of the home?
Because let's be honest, I am definitely not passionate about mopping the floors.
But I'm passionate about my family. About relationships. About using our home as a place to welcome people and be hospitable to whomever is passing through our lives, whether strangers or friends. And those are all passions that can play a role in my life right now.
I believe God gives each of us passions for a reason and a season.
(wow, that rhymes so well, it's hokey. but honest.) It's easy for me to feel frustrated that God isn't "using my strengths to reach enough people." That I'm not meeting the needs of people around me enough.
But what about the needs of my husband?
Of my son? Of my friend who is still working in the clinic, who can be so worn out with her ministry, she needs a place to eat a meal, talk in English, and relax without worrying about cultural boundaries?
Just because my circle of influence has narrowed from what it was before doesn't mean it's no longer significant.
My calling in this season of life? To love well. To serve the needs of the people in my life. To be faithful in the small things.
I know God will call back to life those strengths now lying dormant. I look forward to working as a nurse when we go back to the States this fall.
But it's not about gritting my teeth and earning a badge so I can move on to something Bigger And Better in the future. This work in my life right now IS big. This calling IS good.
What about you? Do you ever feel you are missing out on what you think your calling is? Are you asking why God isn't using you like you think he should?
Maybe you're a college student restlessly waiting for school to be over so you can get on to Real Life. Maybe you're working a 9-to-5 job that seems totally insignificant in the light of the world's pain and suffering. Or maybe you're like me - staying at home every day, caring for little ones, cooking meals and washing clothes.
Wait quietly on the Lord.
Trust that he has you exactly where you need to be, doing work that is for His glory and His kingdom. It may seem small to you, small by the world's standards. But God doesn't use the same value system as the world.
Instead of being discontent in today's calling, let's dig in to wherever we are and allow God to grow our roots deep. Our passions and our calling don't have to clash. We can trust Him to use our passions for good in His perfect timing.