This Is Not My Home



Homesick: longing for home and family while absent from them. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Andrew and I started a journal together shortly after we were married. We've written in it only occasionally since starting it. Today I was flipping through its pages, and one of the first entries I read was one I'd written in June, 2010. I wrote about how much I wanted to be working overseas, how frustrated I felt at waiting and not knowing when we would be there, and how little I appreciated KC as a place to serve the Lord.

I chuckled as I read it, remembering just a few days ago, when I daydreamed about returning to KC and working in the church and just how wonderful and nice it sounded to be back "home". How time flies - and how much things stay the same. Regardless of where I am, I am always longing to be somewhere else.

Homesickness comes in cycles for me. Some days I don't feel it at all. I revel in Cambodia's heat, its colorful language, the joy of riding the back of a motorcycle with the breeze in my face. Then the next day, something pushes me over to the other side of longing: electricity cuts, dirty water staining my laundry, the inability to understand my neighbor. And then, I think about how nice it would be to move home to KC, work in a place where I can communicate fluently, and where Targets and coffee shops abound.

Every day, I feel the temptation to forget God's goodness to me and to long for somewhere else. Because I am bored, or frustrated, or feel ineffective here, I want to leave. But with every whisper of my natural mind, I hear God whispering back, Trust Me. I am enough. I have called you here and will sustain you here.

This is not my home. But really, neither is KC. Heaven is my true home, even though I've never been there. I hope that heaven will be what I long for every day. I want to be homesick for heaven, for the day I will live in the presence of God. My earthly homesickness is teaching me to long for heaven, and I hope that every time I feel that twinge of longing for KC, I will turn that desire towards my true home.

Philippians 3:20-21
   "But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body."